You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
