I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
