the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
