I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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