rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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