Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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