Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
