Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
