Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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