There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
