One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
