Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
