Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize