I just saw a hot homeless man
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize