When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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