Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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