the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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