what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
