You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
