Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
