Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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