Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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