My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Randomize
