my phone needs a breathalizer
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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