You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
