and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
