If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
