I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
