I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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