Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
