He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
