The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
