Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
