my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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