So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
