Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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