put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
