I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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