Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
