He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
