obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she told me i tasted like america
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
