Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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