help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
