I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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