I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
its liver damage thursday
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
