piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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