if i can run in heels then i can drive
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
