What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
