on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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