I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
