I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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