I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
