she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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