man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
