Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
