Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
only if we run a train.
done.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
