Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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