I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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