You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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