Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
