and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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