So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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