The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize